Stage Fright

I had a couple more tutorials scheduled for the blog this week, but life happens and I have something else I want to talk about today.

Both of my boys participate in a church scouting program called Caravans on Wednesday nights.  Last night was the Caravans Induction Ceremony, in which each age group went on stage in the sanctuary and sang songs, recited their pledge, and talked about what badges they've earned so far this year. 

We've been prepping Griffin for this ceremony for about two weeks.  He has a history of being a bit of a trainwreck on stage (I mean that lovingly, of course).  Over the years of Christmas programs for school and church, VBS performances, and various kid programs at church, Griffin has most frequently stood on stage and cried.  Many times he clings to a teacher for dear life and puts on his grumpiest face.  We have had two (I think) times when he actually cooperated with what the kids were supposed to do for the performance.

All of these kid performances make me sweat in my ugly places.

These are times of great anxiety for our family.

Then we get judgment from other parents, grandparents, and leaders because our child was the only one not participating and performing.

Griffin has finally reached the age of being able to articulate to us what the problem is.  He is nervous to go on stage and have everyone in church staring at him.

Bingo!  This makes sense.

Guess what...I don't like going on stage and having everyone stare at me!

Now this whole crazy stressful process looks so different to me.  In fact, it seems a bit ridiculous.  We expect our kids to go on stage and talk, sing, dance, and entertain the masses without a single qualm.  And yet, many adults would never do any of those things.

Why am I expecting my child to do something that I am extremely reluctant to do?

I'll tell you why:  because other people expect him to.

I've been wrestling with this.  I couldn't sleep last night.  I really don't want to seem like I'm lecturing other families or excusing my child's misbehavior.  I'm just questioning if it's actually misbehavior.

After the ceremony last night, another mother told me the entire conversation she had with her kids before church.  She reminded them to stand still on stage, smile, recite their pledges, sing their songs, don't laugh if other children say ornery things, don't participate if other children get rambunctious, etc. 

She said, "I don't want my kid to be that kid.  You know, the one kid who isn't participating correctly.  My kids are church kids."

Pause.  This was a decision point for me.  My friend Jessica taught me to "hear people's hearts, not their words."  Thank you for that wise advice.

This mom apparently didn't realize she was talking to the mom of that kid, the one she didn't want her kid to be.  This mom is someone I would consider a friend, and I have to assume that she didn't intend to sound so harsh.

I also realized that her heart was in the exact same place mine was:  we both want the general church people to think our children are well-behaved (and therefore, we are doing a good job parenting them).

I think I need a different standard for "well-behaved" when it comes to Griffin sometimes.  Nolan was only slightly nervous to be on stage, and he had no problem performing with his group.  Griffin has a case of stage fright, so why would I hold him to the same standard as someone who doesn't have the same fears?

In case you're wondering how Griffin did last night, I'm going to label it as "fine."

He went up on stage with his group, without holding a teacher's hand.  He stood in his spot and didn't cry one tear.  He didn't recite the pledge and he didn't sing the song.  He didn't say the Bible verse that I know he has memorized.  But he didn't disrupt the children who did want to perform.

This was another decision point for me.  My natural tendency was to feel angry and frustrated with him.  Why can't he ever just do what the other kids are doing?  Why does everything have to be so hard with him?

But then I remembered a line from my current Bible study book ("Let. It. Go." by Karen Ehman).  She said (in relationship to parenting our kids), "It's more important to recognize and praise effort and diligence than outcome and performance."  Pretty relevant, right?

I had underlined and rewritten this statement over a week ago.  And God brought it to my mind as I sat in my pew, staring at my child, and starting to sweat.

I chose to praise his effort rather than his performance.  Walking up on the big stage and standing with his class while a bunch of people stared at him was progress.  If I don't praise his progress, how will he ever get to the desired results?

Other people's expectations are that kids don't have stage fright.  They should enjoy performing for adults.  If they are "good" kids with "good" parents, then they will participate and perform.

I can't live by those expectations.  I've been trying, and it results in a lot of hurt feelings and frustration.

God confirmed what he was trying to teach me last night by sending me two other women to encourage me.  One was another mom.  When I told her that her daughter was so cute on stage, she revealed that her daughter was nervous and really didn't want to be up on stage.  The mom said, "As I was lecturing her about going up there and performing, I realized that I don't ever want to go up on stage either.  I don't want all those people staring at me!"  Sounds like the same message God had already whispered to me.

The other encouraging woman was one of Griffin's teachers.  She is a friend of mine, and she has shown Griffin extraordinary compassion his whole life.  She let me know exactly what they would be doing so I could give Griffin clear expectations ahead of time.  She also brought candy (Griffin's favorite currency) to reward the children for going up on stage.  She said ahead of time that her only goal for Griffin was that he would go up on stage.  She didn't expect him to perform or outshine the other children.  She was pushing him only so far out of his comfort zone, and she affirmed him for his efforts.

Thank you, Lord, for encouraging people who are loving and gracious to me in my difficult mama moments.

We have a lot of kid performances left before these kiddos grow up and leave my nest.  I could get quite tangled up if I don't learn how to adjust my expectations to account for my kids' fears and praise them for their efforts even when their performance looks different than that of other children.  I'm not letting Griffin completely off the hook, even though that would be easier for everyone involved.  I have to teach him about pushing through fears and being brave when we have to do scary things.  I just have to practice being happy with baby steps of progress, and I need to learn to let other people's expectations remain their expectations and not mine.

And maybe you other parents and grandparents could help a little too.  Please be kind to the sweating mom whose kid doesn't want to do the motions to "We Wish You a Merry Christmas."  You just may be witnessing a family making slow progress overcoming a difficult fear.   

Jessica

Fabric Nail File Sleeve Tutorial

I previously showed you the gifts I made for my boys' teachers for their birthdays.  Click here to see those.

Today I'm going to show you how I made those fabric nail file covers.

Supplies:

• Outer fabric:  1.75" wide by 14.25" long
• Inner fabric:  1.75" wide by 14.25" long
• Pellon Peltex 72F Double Sided Fusible Interfacing*:  1.75" wide by 14.25" long
• Thread (matching or contrasting, your choice)
• Pinking shears
• Marking pen of your choice

*I already had this Pellon Peltex 72F on hand, and it was perfect for this application.  It is fairly sturdy and it has heat-set adhesive on both sides.  However, you could use many different products.  You could adhere regular interfacing (not lightweight) to one of your fabrics and just stack the other on top.  You could also use Wonder Under to adhere your fabrics together, but you may not have the structure needed for the sleeve to hold its shape.  Fusible fleece is another option.  I'd love to hear comments from anyone who tries this project with a different interfacing.

Start by cutting your fabrics and Peltex.

Follow the manufacturer's instructions to adhere your fabrics to the Peltex (confession:  I didn't use a damp press cloth, and it turned out just fine).

This is what your fabrics should look like now.  The fabrics are back-to-back with the Peltex sandwiched in the middle.

Lay your project flat with the "inner" fabric facing up.  Measure 7+ 5/8 inches down from the top and draw a line across the fabric.  The pink fabric with the birds is my inner fabric, and the floral fabric is my outer fabric.

Sew on the line.  You're not making a seam here.  You're actually creating a fold line for later.  It makes it easier to fold this thick fabric sandwich exactly where you want to.  This is the same idea as scoring cardstock before you fold it.

My pen disappears with heat, so one quick pass with my hot iron got rid of the black line.  You can leave your line since it's on the inside and won't be visible after the project is complete.

Next, sew a line 1/4 inch from the bottom edge.  Again, you're not making an actual seam.  This is how we finish off the edge that will rest in front of the nail file.

Now use your pinking shears to finish off that short side where you just sewed.  I have a fancy pair of scallop pinking shears.

Now that this edge is finished and pretty, we're ready to finish constructing the fabric sleeve.

Fold along that stitched folding line.  Your pretty finished edge should not reach the top (the front half is a little shorter than the back half).

Start stitching at the lower left corner of your fabric sleeve.  You'll be starting at the fold.   Your stitch line should be 1/4 inch from the edge (I use my presser foot as a guide).

Sew along this long side.  Backstitch at the beginning of your seam.  Stop when your needle is 1/4 inch from the short edge (which is actually the top, but your nail file sleeve is fed in bottom first).  Leave your needle in the project, lift your presser foot, turn your project so you're ready to sew along the short side, and put your presser foot back down.

Sew along the short (top) side, again 1/4 inch from the edge.  Stop again at the other corner (1/4 inch from next long edge).  Do the same maneuver for turning your work with your needle in the corner.

Continue sewing along the other long edge.  Good thing we already finished that short edge that's now in front. :)

Backstitch when you reach the fold edge at the end of this seam.

Now that our fabric sleeve is fully constructed, we just have to make it a little prettier (and keep the edges from unraveling).

Use your pinking shears to cut outside the seam around the whole project.  I must warn you that it's a little difficult to cut through all those layers.  My hand was a misshapen claw by the time I was done.  It's worth a little pain to make something pretty.

Add a nail file, and you have a cute gift!

This little fabric cover will keep the nail file from scratching everything else in your purse (or the gift recipient's purse).  I think these measurements will fit most nail files.  This sleeve is snug enough to keep the file in, but you can easily grab the exposed end and pull it out.

I'd love to hear from anyone who makes one of these!

Jessica

Teacher Birthday Gifts

Today is Nolan's teacher's birthday, and tomorrow is Griffin's teacher's birthday.  (What are the odds that they would be so close?)

I know their birthdays and favorite things because I had each teacher fill out a Teacher Questionnaire at the beginning of the school year.

This weekend I bought a few little gifts for the teachers, and I spent some quality time in my craft room last night to finish off the gifts.

Here's a sneak peek at the finished gift sets:

Teacher #1 loves Hershey Nuggets and her favorite colors are pink and blue (my kind of girl!).  Here are the supplies for her gift:

Teacher #2 loves York Peppermint Patties (one of my faves) and her favorite color is green (I admit that her fabric is really more teal than green, but I was using what I had on hand).  Here are her supplies:

When I went to Walgreen's to get the candies and nail files, I saw some clearance office supplies (I stopped because I have a secret addiction to office supplies).  That's when I spotted the insanely adorable impossibly mini cube of sticky notes as well as the alphabet washi tape.

I really just wanted to give each teacher a few little treats to help make her day special.  These women are extremely important to our family because they are helping my boys grow and develop, and they are amazing teachers!  Plus, I feel bad for them that they have to work on their birthdays. :)

So, each teacher is receiving:

A cute nail file in a fabric sleeve (because I wanted them to have something girly)

A $5 Starbucks gift card for their favorite drink (in pretty fabric holders just for the fun of it)

A fabric bag of their favorite candy (These bags are the same size, but there were a lot more York Peppermint Patties to fill up the black and teal bag!)

And a small fabric bag with the little office supplies (because every teacher needs fun new office supplies sometimes)

So, there you have it.  Two sets of somewhat random gifts that are tied together by the matching fabric bags/sleeves/holders.  They are really meant to represent a few of each teacher's favorite things.

I figured that I spent about $11-12 per teacher since I had all of the craft supplies on hand.  The candies were roughly $3 per bag, $5 for the Starbucks gift cards, $1 per nail file, and $0.62 each for the mini sticky notes and washi tape (plus tax for all).

Wanna know how I made the fabric accessories?  Come back tomorrow for the tutorial!

Jessica

Weekly Highlights

This has been a gross week.

Here are just a few samples:

• Wednesday night a man at church was walking toward me with his hand covering most of his face.  As I watched him and tried to figure out if he was okay, he began to cough.  Vomit sprayed out between his fingers, covering his shirt, the walls, and the carpet.  There was no one else around, and I had to try to figure out how to help him.
• The world's largest moth got into our house (I don't do well with any type of bug, and this sucker was roughly the size of a bluejay).  The resulting scene was reminiscent of John Candy's bat scene in the movie "The Great Outdoors."
• Last night as I was heading out the door to Bible Study, one of our toilets overflowed.  And kept overflowing.  Over an inch of water covered the entire bathroom floor as I tried to figure out how to make it stop and then how to clean it all up.
• Today the boys got out of school at 11:40, so we met Jared at Steak & Shake over his lunch break.  While our waitress was cleaning the table next to us, she dropped an entire bin full of used dishes onto the floor right next to my feet.  All the dishes shattered, and Nora and I both got sprayed with other people's leftover drinks.  Nora bawled because of the loud noise and the sudden wetness.  In case you're wondering, no they didn't even give us a discount on our meal.  The waitress gave us a pile of napkins and mopped around my feet without even uttering an "excuse me."

Oh, and I forgot to mention that Jared was gone all week until late last night.  I had to face most of the grossness alone.

Rather than leave you with those disgusting visuals, I'll pass along some of the hilarious and cute quotes from my kids this week.

•  Nolan made me laugh, and I told him he is a super funny kid.  He replied, "Mom, please. I'm a man.  I'm always hilarious."
• When we left church Wednesday night, Nora looked up and spotted the moon.  She exclaimed, "Mom, the moon!  It's a present moon!" (She meant crescent moon.)
• Nora said she needed to put her dirty clothes in her hamster.  (She meant hamper.)
• After school on Monday, Griffin said, "I think Willow has a crush on me.  She's been trying to get me to help her." (I had no idea that he knew what a crush was.)
• Griffin continued his discussion of Willow by saying, "She asked me to marry her.  Even though I  didn't want to, I didn't want her to be upset so I tricked her and said yes."
• One afternoon when Griffin was getting ready to read me his homework book, he said, "Mom, wanna see this picture in my book?  We'll just take a book walk until we get to that page."
• I was explaining to Griffin that next Wednesday night his church class will be going into the sanctuary to participate in a ceremony on stage (for their church scouting program).  His response was, "Is it boring in the sanctuary?"

Have a great weekend!

Jessica

The Blessing and Curse of Pinterest

My boys went to Indiana with Jared's mom to spend time with their cousins there.  So it's just me, Jared, and Nora at home today.

It's been a super fun relaxing morning.  Jared and Nora played several games of Uno (Nora's very favorite game), had an elaborate tea party, and made Jack-o-lanterns out of Silly Putty.

In addition to enjoying their company, I drank way too much coffee and spent way too much time on Pinterest.

To those of you who follow me on Pinterest, I'm so sorry that today I filled up your entire home feed with my latest pins.  I couldn't help myself.

I love Pinterest.  Most of the time Pinterest inspires me.  It makes me want to create beautiful things and cook/bake delicious food.  It gives me fresh ideas and teaches me new techniques. 

However...

Sometimes Pinterest paralyzes me.  Or makes me feel like a complete failure.

For example, you all know that we recently moved.  Our new house is amazing, and we love it.  But every wall is beige.  The flooring is all off-white.  All doors, trim, and cabinetry are basic oak.  We need some color.

I keep trying to narrow my vision for how to add color to any room in our house.  I thought a good place to start would be adding colorful pillows to the couches in our main family room (the front room of our house).

Enter Pinterest.

I started out feeling like I can't just purchase pillows because I have the ability to sew them.

Then Pinterest told me that I should sew pillow covers out of fabric that I made myself.  Fabric printed with stamps I carved myself.  Stamps of designs I drafted myself.

You get the idea.

So my room is still beige and gray and off-white.  And my self-esteem as a decorator and crafter has taken a hit.

Ridiculous.

I can't look at individual's talents and projects on Pinterest and expect that I should be able to match all of them.  Sometimes it's okay to purchase something even if I could figure out how to make it myself.  Sometimes I can marvel at other people's talents and not feel bad that I don't have those same talents.

There are so many things in this world that make our lives easier, faster, and more efficient.  But these inventions/gadgets/advances can easily get out of control and have a negative effect.

Pinterest is like that for me.  And I think it's the same for a lot of women out there who browse Pinterest and suddenly feel bad that they're not making their own bread with flour ground from the wheat they grew in their very own back yard (fertilized organically, of course).

Pinterest is awesome.  And it will stay awesome for me as long as I keep it in check and use it for inspiration and not as a checklist of what I'm not doing/making.

Now I have to go learn how to make my own rug out of recycled t-shirts.

Jessica

Who's In Charge Here?

Some days I'm not sure who's in charge around here.

Occasionally I follow my children's lead rather than demanding that I get to call all the shots.  The jury is still out on how this approach works.

Recently Nolan came up with an idea that he thought would help with everyone getting ready in the morning.

Last school year we did sticker charts to help the kids complete their morning tasks.  This school year we have been using magnetic morning routine charts.  Well, Nolan wanted to take it one step further.

Nolan's pitch went something like this:  the first child to complete all morning tasks (and be all the way ready for school) gets to write his/her name on a piece of paper and put the paper in a jar.  At the end of the week, Mom pulls a piece of paper out of the jar, and that child gets to choose a prize from our prize bin.  The more often you're the first child ready, the better chance you have of winning a prize.

It sounded good to me.

So we started this new incentive program.

Unfortunately, there were some unforeseen hiccups.

This new program fostered a sense of fierce competition between siblings.  One morning Nolan woke up before anyone else in the house just so he could get ready first.  Kids were arguing and tattling and sabotaging each other's efforts to get ready.

Not fun.

The whole program was nearly banned, but then there were whispers of a new conspiracy.  All three children came up with a joint plan.  A secret plan that would trick Mom and Dad.

Their plan was to finish getting ready at the exact same time so they could write all three of their names on the paper for the day.  Then if that paper was drawn out of the jar, all three children would get a prize.  It would be a three-way tie.

The first day of their plan was a success.  They secretly helped each other remember to clean up their breakfast dishes and make their beds.  They waited for one another so they could brush their teeth at the same time.  One boy sat fully dressed with the final sock only halfway on, waiting for the other two children to complete their tasks before he finished officially getting dressed.

They were so pleased with their sneaky scheme.  And the mother of the house was so busy getting herself ready that she appeared to not notice what was going on.

There was no arguing about it:  since all three children finished their morning routines at the exact same time, they were allowed to write all three names on one piece of paper for the day.  There were high fives, smiles, and fist bumps.

And the Mom seemed oddly pleased, despite having been tricked.  It's funny how everyone in the house seemed to be happy with this new plan.

This scene repeated itself for a couple more days this week.  The children collaborated to beat the system, and Mother had no choice but to allow them to share the day's paper for the jar.  Afterall, they had displayed cooperation, teamwork, patience, and planning.  There was no more fighting, tattling, or sabotaging.  And they didn't even realize that it was good practice to write their names each morning.

Some people can be so sneaky.

I just love when all parties involved feel empowered and think they've won.  Everyone gets to walk away happy.  And it only costs three cheap prizes from the family prize bin.

Jessica

The Woman Who Always Yells

There's a worker at my boys' school whom the boys refer to as "the woman who always yells."  I'm not sure if they even know her real name.

She supervises lunch and recess.  I've heard a few stories about her so far, including that it hurts Griffin's ears when she blows her whistle near him at recess.

Today Griffin got a school lunch for the first time (as opposed to taking a packed lunch).  The children have to choose their lunch first thing in the morning by selecting a colored card that corresponds to one of the three lunch choices.  Griffin calls it "voting for lunch," which makes me smile. 

So Griffin wanted to vote for lunch today.  It was an exciting event, and I was secretly nervous about how it would go.  Griffin isn't exactly known for doing well with new experiences.

After school today I excitedly asked Griffin how voting for lunch went today.  His answer was simply, "No."  I had to press for more information.

Apparently The Woman Who Always Yells yelled at him today.  Something about milk.  I had to know more.

He said he forgot to put his milk on his tray.  He said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I'm supposed to carry my tray with two hands.  I thought I should carry my milk with one hand.  I just didn't have enough hands."  So The Woman yelled at him.

Then he cried.

What happened next?  Everyone asked why he was crying.  And what did you say?  "I said I wanted you."

Griffin voted for the hot dog lunch choice today, and he chose peaches as his side.  I asked if that was enough to fill him up, and he said it was. 

In fact, The Woman Who Always Yells came over to his table after he had eaten all his food.  She said he would grow to be very big and strong because he ate all his food.  She told the other kids to eat like him. 

"And she patted my head."

I pointed out that The Woman Who Always Yells can be nice sometimes, too.

Of course, that wasn't my first reaction.

As Griffin was talking (and Nolan was adding his own commentary and impressions of The Woman Who Always Yells), I went through the following thoughts/reactions:

1. Who is this woman?  I'm coming to school to meet her.  And have a private conversation with her.
2. Maybe her job really is frustrating and she has to be loud to be heard over a cafeteria full of children.  But then again, yelling at the students isn't the best way to get your point across.
3. Maybe I should talk to the principal about this notorious worker.  
4. Perhaps this is a good opportunity to teach my kids about dealing with difficult people.  This woman is not the last crabby person they'll encounter.  They need to develop the skills required to interact with negative people.  I need to develop these skills.

And then we moved on to talk about other parts of the day, like how Griffin was the Star Student for the day.  He showed me the book his classmates made for him, where each student drew a picture of Griffin.  He named every student, many by first and last name, and told me the nice things his teacher said about him.  He carried the book around with him everywhere he went after that.

These children can be frustrating.  Some days I'm The Mom Who Always Yells.  But some days I just can't stifle my smile over the boy who was the Star Student and voted for his lunch for the first time.

Every day brings new adventures from school!

Jessica