Water on the Altar

We have been trying to move for years.  We bought this house as shiny-eyed newlyweds who had watched too much Trading Spaces, and we thought we could make this thing the coolest house on the block.  We had fun fixing up our thousand square feet.  And then we had three kids in four-and-a-half years, and the house dropped down to last priority.

Over the years, we have looked at houses, fallen in love with houses, and even made offers on houses.  But God closed every door.  So we kept coming back to trying to be content where we are.

When Jared and I were discussing our goals for this year, he said his top goal is for us to finally move this year.  I laughed at him and told him in no uncertain terms that my goals weren't even close to his.  But then I spent time praying about it, and I felt God nudging me to accept the possibility of moving this year.

So we have been looking at houses, walking through houses, getting pre-approved for a new home loan, talking, and praying.  Some surprising opportunities have come up, and we have continued to work at being as emotionally neutral as possible and focused on trusting God to lead us each step of the way.

The topic of moving is complicated by so many factors.  We have to clean, organize, and fix up our current house to make it appealing to buyers.  We have to pack, paint, and clean while maintaining life as usual for our three young kids.  Do we try to move before or after our big family vacation in June?  We haven't found any desirable houses in our current school district.  That means that Nolan would have to switch schools and Griffin would be starting school at a new place.  Also, the topic of Griffin starting kindergarten is overwhelming in itself.  Which school will best meet his needs?  How will he do with starting all-day school?  And what exactly is an IEP?

In the midst of the moving discussion, I'm still trying to get on track with therapy and activities for Griffin.  I've been talking to several helpful people and looking into various resources.  A friend invited me to attend a conference with her about Autism Spectrum Disorders and the school system.  Perfect!  I found a different conference, called Autism 101, that is designed to help me better understand the resources available to Griffin and our family.  Great!  I've been looking for an activity that will work on Griffin's muscle tone, and we've had a few painful failures with basketball and tumbling.  I found out about private swim lessons offered right here in our town, and I was so excited that both boys can take swim lessons to prepare for our big vacation this summer as well as give Griffin a physical outlet and a chance to develop his muscles.

Things were looking great.  I finally had a plan.  I was right in that sweet spot of figuring some stuff out and trusting God to work the rest out.

And then it all changed.

I had emailed Jared the information about the Autism 101 conference, and he replied by telling me that he would be traveling over the date of the conference.  And while we're discussing it, he gave me a list of all his upcoming trips.  My stomach knotted as I read date after date of his departures.  He will be traveling for part of every month from now through June.  Noooo!

Shortly before this travel conversation, we also discovered an unexpected problem.  Jared's paycheck wasn't what it was supposed to be.  Some investigation led to the discovery of increased Social Security taxes being taken out as well as a few more adjustments to what is taken out of his monthly check.  And the amount of his upcoming bonus was decreased by the higher-ups.  And his company decided to lower the amount of his long-awaited raise (hopefully coming later this year).

The business trips and decreased income pushed me back into the dark world of Survival Mode.  That's when we go through the motions of school and church, eat strange meals because we have to use whatever food we have on hand, I don't get any "me time" or participation in adult activities (committees, groups, or volunteering for anything), and the kids don't get to do anything out of the ordinary.  Survival Mode doesn't allow for swim lessons or Autism conferences.  Survival Mode is not compatible with moving.  I don't enjoy Survival Mode.

A dear friend recently bought me the book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  It is having such an impact on me.  It reminds me daily to focus on God's presence.  Truly focus on his presence and let him take care of the details of my life.  This is a big stretch for me, but it also really changes the way I view God and my life.

I was trying to mesh all these things together in my mind:  our dream to move to a larger house, my desire to learn more about Autism Spectrum Disorders, the need to get Griffin into therapeutic activities, our tighter finances, Jared's travel imposing single motherhood on me, Survival Mode, and my efforts to focus on God's presence and trust him.  A Bible story came to my mind.

In 1 Kings 18, Elijah (a prophet of God) addressed the people of Israel and said, "How much longer will you waver, hobbling between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him! But if Baal is God, then follow him!" But the people were completely silent (1 Kings 18:21).  Elijah then addressed the 450 prophets of Baal and told them to choose a bull, prepare it for sacrifice, lay it on their altar, and call on their god.  He planned to do the same.  He said whichever god responded by setting the sacrifice on fire was the true God.

The prophets of Baal prepared their sacrifice and cried out to Baal.  They cried out from morning until noontime with no response, so they danced around their altar.  Elijah came and mocked them, saying they needed to speak louder because perhaps their god was daydreaming or busy or asleep.  They shouted louder and even followed their custom of cutting themselves with knives and swords.  "They raved all afternoon until the time of the evening sacrifice, but still there was no sound, no reply, no response" (1 Kings 18:29).

So Elijah repaired the altar of the Lord that had been torn down.  Then he dug a trench around the altar, prepared the bull for sacrifice, and laid the wood and bull on the altar.  He called out for the people to fill four jugs with water and pour it over the wood and offering (the bull).  Then he told them to do it again.  And again!  Three times they poured the water over the altar, until the water poured over and filled the trench around the altar.

At the usual time for offering the evening sacrifice, Elijah the prophet walked up to the altar and prayed, “O Lord, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, prove today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant. Prove that I have done all this at your command. O Lord, answer me! Answer me so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God and that you have brought them back to yourself.”

Immediately the fire of the Lord flashed down from heaven and burned up the young bull, the wood, the stones, and the dust. It even licked up all the water in the trench! And when all the people saw it, they fell face down on the ground and cried out, “The Lord—he is God! Yes, the Lord is God!” (1 Kings 18:36-39)

I hadn't thought about this story in a long time, and I know that God was the one who brought it to my mind.

The decrease in our income and the unexpected business trips are like water on our altar.  God is laying the groundwork to show that he alone can accomplish all he has planned for our family this year.  So far he has only given us hints that change is coming for us.  It might be moving, or it might be different changes.  I do know that God doesn't want me to take credit for planning and carrying out what he is actually doing.  He wants me to trust him now before I know anything as well as in the midst of scary change and painful progress.

I find it very difficult to balance daily tasks and preparations for the future.  I guess the point is that I don't have to balance it.  Part of God's change on the horizon will undoubtedly include helping me understand how to fully trust him with today as well as tomorrow.  Maybe my personality is more water on the altar!

Jessica

John Elder Robison

Well, I sure got quite a jolt of excitement and nervousness when I wrote about the book Look Me in the Eye and received a comment from the author himself, John Elder Robison.  I literally couldn't go to sleep that night!  Jared kept texting me the next day saying things like, "Hey, aren't you that girl who got a blog comment from a famous author?"  The whole thing made me giddy.

I spent a little time on his website and looking at his other two books (which I would now like to read).  Then today my friend sent me two YouTube videos of a show that Mr. Robison appeared on for Discovery Science Channel called "Ingenious Minds."

It was fascinating to watch!  I really enjoyed the visuals of things I had read about in his book (photos, drawings, etc.).  I also enjoyed hearing his voice and watching/listening to him speak after I had already learned so much about his life and tried to imagine what it was really like.  The scientific research portion of the video is also quite intriguing.  You can watch the videos here (Part 1 of 2 and part 2 of 2):

 

 
I learned new things I didn't know from Look Me in the Eye.  For example, John has since divorced the wife he spoke about in Chapter 27 of the book and has remarried.  Also, his son has been diagnosed with Asperger's, which is the topic of his newest book Raising Cubby. 

Robison has done incredible work shedding light on Asperger's and helping so many people understand Aspergians more.  His story is eye-opening and inspiring.  It helped me as a mom to a child with Asperger's, and he helped lift my spirits just by leaving a brief comment on some housewife's blog.  What a rush this little adventure has been right in the middle of my mundane week!

I guess you just never know when you might cross paths with someone important.

Jessica 

Book Review: Look Me in the Eye

Every Wednesday morning, I get about 2 hours of kid-free time.  Two hours per week.  So I always feel like I have to make the very most of these two hours.  Do you know how hard it is to cram in relaxation?  So, I've defaulted to using my Wednesday morning time to run errands, and I pretty much always end up at Walmart.

A couple weeks ago, I decided that Walmart was forbidden for my Wednesday morning two hours of freedom.  I wanted to do something just for me.  But what?

I hesitantly ended up at the library.  Now let me tell you that I only go to the children's side of our library.  I never venture over to the adult side.  Once I went over there with two of my kids so I could go see the book sale room, and I felt every dirty look and glare that we got as we walked through the quiet rows of books because my children weren't silent.

So I decided to dip my toes in the water of the grown-up side of the library while I was alone.  I walked in, took a left to enter the silent side, and realized I had no idea where to go.  I took slow jerky steps to nowhere.

Then I spotted several tables with rows of books for sale laid out.  Aha!  I know how to browse the books for sale.  This felt safe.  So I spent 20-30 minutes developing a cramp in my neck by walking slowly past all the books and reading all the titles.

I really didn't see anything interesting, but I didn't know where else to go.  Finally, I stumbled upon a gem.  I found a book I've been very interested in reading, so I paid the $2 to buy it.  But I'll tell you about that book in another post.

Once I grew very bored of walking with my head sideways pretending to be interested in the books for sale, I decide that this would be a good opportunity to look up books about Asperger's.  But there was a problem.  There are several sections of computers in this foreign land of the grown-up library world.  And there were people on all of them.  And I had no idea how to look up a book on their computers.

So I earned the Dork of the Year Award by coming up with my own solution.  I casually made my way to one of the comfy reading chairs, got out my smart phone, and searched on the library's website for books about Asperger's.  Yes, I was too timid to figure out the computers myself and too afraid to ask for help, so I used my phone.

At least I remembered the basics of the Dewie Decimal system, and I found the book myself once I had it pulled up on my phone.  There were lots of good options in the section on Autism and Asperger's.  I chose "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robison.

I had heard of this book from several people.  John Elder Robison grew up with Asperger's but wasn't diagnosed until he was 40.  I thought it would be interesting to read about his life with Asperger's.

I had been warned that the book has some strong language and adult content, so I was prepared and found it tolerable.

I poured over the first several chapters, trying to absorb everything he said.  I kept comparing his words to what I've observed in Griffin.  Then my fervor for the book slowed down in the middle chapters when Robison talked about designing special effects guitars for the band KISS.  He went into detail about the various engineering projects he mastered throughout various stages of his life, and to be honest, I just couldn't stay very interested in all those details.  But I pressed on and tried to stay in the mindset of learning about this man's life (rather than just trying to understand Griffin better).

I really picked up reading speed again at Chapter 20, when Robison switched from a chronological retelling of his life to discussing specifics of how he processes conversations.  I was fascinated as he explained what goes through his mind during a typical social interaction.  Those parts of the book were extremely helpful for me to understand Griffin better and think about how to help him more.

Here are some of my favorite excerpts from the book: 

"Asperger's is not a disease.  It's a way of being.  There is no cure, nor is there a need for one.  There is, however, a need for knowledge and adaptation on the part of Aspergian kids and their families and friends.  I hope readers--especially those who are struggling to grow up or live with Asperger's--will see that the twists and turns and unconventional choices I made led to a pretty good life, and will learn from my story."  Page 5

"My conversational difficulties highlight a problem Aspergians face every day.  A person with an obvious disability--for example, someone in a wheelchair--is treated compassionately because his handicap is obvious.  No one turns to a guy in a wheelchair and says, "Quick!  Let's run across the street!"  And when he can't run across the street, no one says, "What's his problem?"  They offer to help him across the street.  With me, though, there is no external sign that I am conversationally handicapped.  So folks hear some conversational misstep and say, "What an arrogant jerk!"  I look forward to the day when my handicap will afford me the same respect accorded to a guy in a wheelchair.  And if the respect comes with a preferred parking space, I won't turn it down." Page 194

I have actually thought about that before.  People can't tell by looking at Griffin that he struggles with social interactions or transitions or things not following the order that he thinks they should.  His missteps are usually chalked up to him being a difficult child or to faulty parenting by me and Jared.  It's not that I want him to have an obvious visible defect, but I would love for people to know that he is an imperfect human who may just have different struggles than the rest of us.

Robison discussed a particular conversation he had with a friend named Laurie.  He broke down exactly what she said to him and how he thought through what his response should be.  Ultimately, Laurie did not like the response he chose, even though he used his best logical thinking skills to respond to her.  Then he wrote this:

"Thinking about conversations like the one I had with Laurie makes me mad.  People approach me, uninvited, and make unsolicited statements.  When they don't get the response they expect, they become indignant.  If I offer no response at all, they become indignant at that.  So there is no way for me to win.  Given that line of reasoning, why talk to people at all?  Well, many autistic people don't, possibly for that very reason.  But, for some reason, I want the Lauries of the world to like me.  To not think I'm weird.  I can be eccentric, but I don't want to be weird.  So I persist.  I try to say things a "normal" person would say."  Page 192

This passage struck me because I've already developed a bit of a hot button with the word "weird."  Griffin is a lot of things, but please don't call him weird.

I also noticed throughout the entire book that John Elder Robison truly wanted to have successful relationships with people.  This part of Asperger's has been a mystery to me.  Sometimes Griffin says or does something with absolutely no regard for how it affects the other person involved.  Even when I point out to him why he was rude/offensive/inconsiderate, he usually has no emotional response and often combats me with an overly logical argument for what he said or did.  And yet at other times, he does show empathy and connections to other people's emotions.

Last week he was supposed to take a pair of old mittens to preschool for an activity.  We only had gloves, so my friend Megan let us borrow a pair of their mittens.  After school, he was on a mission to return the mittens clean, matched, and in their bag to Megan.  He was so determined that he totally interrupted Megan while she was trying to talk to the teacher (Megan's son is in the same class as Griffin).  He didn't notice the problem of interrupting because he was set on proudly returning Megan's mittens to her.  Furthermore, he told me that they were supposed to eat their pie for snack time while wearing their mittens.  "Mom, I didn't wear the mittens to eat my pie because I didn't want to get Megan's mittens dirty," he told me.  So he was being considerate of her feelings and her property.  {Also, he told me that the pie was moose pie.  I later discovered that it was a chocolate mousse pie!}

Sometimes he says things like, "I feel sad for Owen because he was sick and couldn't come to school today."  Other times he doesn't care one bit that his actions are having a negative effect on others.  Or at least he appears to not care.  He used to not care at all when I disciplined him, often raising my voice more than I should.  Now he has times of responding with crying and even saying, "I don't want you to be mad at me."

Some of these mysteries are what kept us from having Griffin tested for an Autism Spectrum Disorder in the first place.  They are part of why I feel like I still don't understand Asperger's.  But I feel like the author of "Look Me in the Eye" gave me a better understanding of the fact that people with Asperger's still feel emotions and still want to have successful relationships with other people, but they just don't always understand how to navigate emotions and social interactions.

Robison described in his book that he felt he reached a choice between Door Number One and Door Number Two.  A choice between pressing on and learning to navigate the "normal" world or retreating into his own world of machines and circuits and things he loved and understood.  He chose Door Number One, but he also wrote this:

"As a functional Aspergian adult, one thing troubles me deeply about those kids who end up behind the second door.  Many descriptions of autism and Asperger's describe people like me as 'not wanting contact with others' or 'preferring to play alone.'  I can't speak for other kids, but I'd like to be very clear about my own feelings:  I did not ever want to be alone.  And all those child psychologists who said 'John prefers to play by himself' were dead wrong.  I played by myself because I was a failure at playing with others.  I was alone as a result of my own limitations, and being alone was one of the bitterest disappointments of my young life.  The string of those early failures followed me long into adulthood, even after I learned about Asperger's."  Page 211

The book overall was encouraging to me.  It definitely had its scary moments.  I was trembling at his descriptions of the horrible pranks he pulled on people and his ability to lie to people in a way that they completely believed him.  I just reminded myself that he and Griffin don't have identical personalities, and they certainly don't have the same upbringing (Robison's dad was an abusive alcoholic and his mother suffered with mental illness).

I'm so grateful to have this insider's view of Asperger's.  I think the book challenged me more to nurture Griffin in a way that appreciates who he is and pushes him to integrate into meaningful relationships.  I'm still really overwhelmed.  I still don't understand exactly where Griffin's pitfalls are.  I still don't know how much of what he says and does is because he has Asperger's and how much is because he's barely 5 years old and just hasn't mastered being human.

The last few chapters of the book were enlightening and entertaining.  And inspiring.  I cried through the whole Epilogue, which alone would have made the book worth reading.  I secretly cheered as I learned about Robison's successes as an adult living amongst other people.  I took mental notes as he described things his wife does that make their marriage and life together easier for them both.  Seriously heart-warming stuff.

Griffin may not be the exact same person as John Elder Robison, and I bet their Asperger's affects them both in different ways, but I'm so glad I read this book to understand this man better and hopefully use his life story (thus far) as a resource to understand my son.

Jessica  

*Update:  Please check out the comment I received just hours after posting this book review.  That's right folks, it's really him!  THE AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK!  I think this is what normal people feel like when they encounter a celebrity.

Valentine's Day Recipes

These are some cute Valentine's Day recipes I've come across.  Click on the link below each picture to visit the original source.

Handwritten Valentine Cupcakes

Heart Pancakes

Spicy Chocolate Sandwich Cookies

Red Velvet Whoopie Pies

Valentine's Day Egg in the Basket

Valentine's Jello Hearts

Valentine's Petits Fours

Valentine Pretzel Buttons

  Heart Cinnamon Rolls

DIY Ombre Sugar Hearts

*Great for decorating anything you make!

Brownie Marshmallow Sandwich with Strawberry Sauce

X's and O's Cupcakes

Hidden Surprise Cupcakes

A Hearty Dessert

Sweet Heart Krispy Treats

Cupid's Cupcakes

Valentine Pizza

Conversation Heart Cupcakes

Chocolate Heart Cookies

These are just the recipes I had bookmarked on my computer before I got on Pinterest.  If you've got 17 hours straight to spare, you can get lost looking at all the great ideas on Pinterest. :)

Click here if you missed my round-up of Valentine's ideas.

Jessica

Snow

Jared finally made it home after nearly two weeks flying around the world for business trips.  My world is right again.

Last night we got about one inch of snow.  I found out about it when Nolan ran into our room this morning exclaiming, "Look out your window!"

After everyone was up and had breakfast (and coffee) and adequate relaxing time, we got out the hodge podge of snow pants, coats, gloves, hats, and boots.  Getting the kids dressed to go play in the snow is about like putting a grapefruit into a sausage casing.  Seven times per child.  Everyone is sweating by the time it's over.

We sent the kids outside while Jared got himself geared up and I sat by our big front window to keep an eye on the kids.

And then the magic appeared.  It started with a sparkle in their eyes as they entered the front yard and assessed the white covering.  Then little fingers lost in oversized gloves scraped snow off the top of the car to sneak a taste.  Soon puffy pants and velcroed boots were running around the yard.  There were shouts of, "Mom!  We found deer tracks!"  For the record, they were cat prints.

Soon I witnessed three tiny figures huddled together studying imagined treasures under the snow.  Then they were off, running in every direction to discover a brand new world of white.

Their little cheeks grew pinker with each passing moment.  Nora's hair defiantly poked out the front of her hat.  Her silky curls wrapped back around the edge of her hat all around her face.  One minute the kids were giant explorers on an expedition, and the next they were tiny children discovering our yard for the very first time.

I'm not sure if I loved it because my kids were actually playing outside or working together or using their imaginations.  Or maybe it was that I knew that Nora still had her swimsuit on under her clothes and snow gear.  But I think it was also because the scene before me tapped into a thousand wonderful memories of when I was a little girl wearing hand-me-down snow pants and ill-fitting boots so I could spend hours discovering treasures in a secret snow world in our back yard.

Nolan made a snow angel while Griffin dug in the snow at the very edge of our driveway.  Nora found a scrap of wood in the garage, carried it past our neighbor's house to the top of our hill, and tried to ski down towards our house.

Griffin's favorite moment came after he discovered me watching through the window.  He gathered a snowball in his tan knit gloves and tried to conceal it as he approached the window.  "Mom, I want to tell you I love you."  He was so excited that he smiled his underbite smile.  He threw the snowball and giggled uncontrollably as it exploded against the window.

The next time he approached the window, it was to tell me that there really could be treasures hidden in our yard.  He and Nolan carved X's in the snow and then used shovels to dig in those spots.

I watched as Jared and the kids took advantage of the snowy Saturday morning.  I hoped the kids would remember this day.  I filed the mental footage in my mind's memory box under "Perfect Childhood Moments."

Eventually the kids remembered that siblings are supposed to fight, and then it was time to come in for lunch.  I hadn't even bothered to get out the camera or video camera because I just wanted to soak in the beautiful scene of my kids being kids and Jared being a dad.  Nora came in and removed her coat, snow pants, shirt, sweatpants, and swimsuit in record time.  I couldn't get a picture of her before I blinked and she was in her tiny underwear.  But I did get quick shots of the boys before they completely disrobed.

Jessica

Valentine's Day Ideas

Some years I really get into Valentine's Day.  One year I stayed up until after midnight making stupid heart-shaped pies on lollipop sticks for one of my kids to take to a class party.  I learned my lesson.

Valentine's Day is supposed to be fun.  It's a chance to tell people you love them.  It's a fun celebration of love itself.  Plus I just love red, pink, and white together.

So, this will be a more low-key Valentine's Day for us.  I'm buying candy and cards for my kids to hand out rather than slaving away in my kitchen.  If I had more time (and I might in future years), here are some ideas that I think are adorable.

I'll be writing a separate post with Valentine's recipes.  {Click here to see the round-up of Valentine's recipes.}

Click on the link below each picture to see the original source.

Crocheted Valentines

33 Valentines Ideas at Martha Stewart

 

 Felt Fortune Cookies

Fabric Window Valentines

2 Ideas for Handmade Valentines

Valentine's Day Secret Messages

Lots of great Valentine's party ideas

Cute Free Printable Valentines

Free Printable Valentine's Banner

Mini Valentine's Banner

Cute Free Printable Valentine

Buttoned Valentine's Card

Free Printable Valentine's Class Cards

Free Printable Kids Valentines

See-Through Valentines

TONS of Homemade Valentines Ideas at Spoonful.com

Valentine's Jokes

Broken Heart Memory Game

Valentine Heart Barrettes

Huge round-up of free printable Valentines

DIY Valentine's Goodie Bags

Free Printable Valentines

Bonbon-Filled Hearts

Sweet Valentines

Bouncy Ball Valentine

*Plus look around this site for lots more ideas!

DIY Felt Valentine Envelopes

Glow Stick Valentines

Fan{tache}tic Valentine

Love Juice Valentine

14 Days of Valentines

Something Special Card & Envelope

Cute Boy Valentines

Shaggy Heart Dress with Knee-Pad Leggings

Ruffled Heart Dress

Painted Heart Bag

Matchbook Valentine

Valentine's Bubbles

Kool-Aid Valentine

Cereal Valentines

Magnifying Glass Valentines

I Dig You Valentines

Laffy Taffy Joke Valentine Boxes

*I think these are fantastic and exactly what my boys love!

I found this picture on Pinterest and the link to the original source wasn't working.  I'd love to give credit where credit is due but don't know how!  You can see how they're made:  take photo of your child holding up a fist, cut slits above and below his/her fist, insert sucker.

Love Potion No. 9 Printable

Handcrafted Valentines Ideas

Moon Pie Valentines

101 Valentine Ideas Under $5

Valentine's Tic-Tac-Toe

Photo Valentines

John 3:16 Valentine

100 Clever Valentine Sayings

Valentine's Printables

More cute kid Valentines

My personal favorite round-up of Valentine's Day ideas

Ok, that should get you off to a great start! :)

Jessica