Tuesday, February 24, 2015

My Groundhog Day

Some days I feel like I'm living my own version of the movie Groundhog Day.  Today is one of those days.

I was awakened by the same annoying alarm noise I hear every morning.  I drank the same coffee that I have first thing every morning.  Same breakfasts for the kids, same reminders for them to get ready, same sibling fights. 

I dragged myself into the shower, where I went through the exact same rituals I do every time.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  After drying off, I had to face the same battle I face every morning:  wrestling with my hair.  The only thing that ever changes is whether I wrestle it into curls or wrestle it straight.  Makeup.  Jeans.  One of 7 shirts I wear all the time.  Wedding rings.  Optional necklace and earrings.  Oh, and socks.

Next is putting the finishing touches on the boys' lunches and refilling the water bottles they take to school every day.  Pack the back packs.  Holler for the kids to put on coats and shoes at 8:15.  Have everyone buckled and back out of the driveway by 8:21.  Park near the school and give hugs and kisses to each boy while we wait for the buses to unload kids in front of the school.  At 8:26 pull up to where the buses were and give last kisses and a cheery "Have a marvelous Monday!" or "Have a terrific Tuesday!"

Today I had the pleasure of coming home after school drop off, breaking my usual schedule of walking at a nearby sports complex with some other moms from the school.  Nora begrudgingly helped me sort laundry.  The same laundry I sort every week.  Into the same four piles.

After I started the first load of laundry (always blues/blacks first), I had to sweep the kitchen floor.  It was an exact repetition of the sweeping I did yesterday.  I sorted through papers that perpetually gather on the main kitchen counter.  Wiped away the same crumbs I wiped away yesterday.  Gave into Nora's pleas to play iPad and felt just as guilty about it today as I did yesterday.

I checked my phone to make sure I hadn't received a call from the school nurse.  Afterall, Nolan had come into my bathroom this morning, hands trembling and face pinched as he grabbed his stomach.  He spent a few brief moments bent over the toilet with no results, but mostly I just held him.  This is also nothing new.  Nor is the anguish of sending him to school after such episodes.

I won't see my husband until about 9:00 or 10:00 tonight, which has become the norm over that last few weeks.  That is, when he's not traveling for work.  Or at the Emergency Room with stomach pains from work stress finally catching up with him.

Dinner comes around every evening, and I'm generally unprepared for it.  Showers for the kids.  Brushing teeth.  Oh the teeth.

Every now and then something changes.  Like Nora's sudden paralyzing fear of getting sick.  She's afraid of the Fifth Disease someone at preschool had.  She's afraid of the stomach bug that's been going around (that she and I already had).  Last night she overheard Jared and Griffin talking about kidney stones, and she ran out of bed crying to tell me she's afraid she's going to get kidney stones.

So the mundane repetition gets old, but the changes aren't always improvements.  

Adulthood isn't always all I thought it'd be.  The biggest advantage of being an adult is that now I can eat what I want, when I want.  And I do.  Which causes other problems.

I don't mean to be a downer.  Just having one of those days.  I'd like to say that tomorrow will be better.  I happen to have a pretty good idea of what tomorrow will look like.  Hint:  I've done it all before. 

I'm just hoping to do it all with a better attitude tomorrow.

Jessica

1 comment:

  1. Life is a forever flurry of laundry to do. Trash that must go out and shopping to get done. It is these ritualistic mundane activities that end up.. surprisingly. . Defining life. We think it's that day you got to go hot ballooning but truly ... it's the grind. The inevitable. . The very knowledge of what will happen and by when and by whom... ends up being a blessing in dusguise. True.. it's thick make up I'll agree with you..
    ... but for me... one day. . It all was different. Unplanned event that changed my life and who I am forever. I so wished I could go back to the dreary expectedness of life.
    .. today.. I have my awareness changed around so I am gleeful in the gray face of everyday. I will say that monumental hugs help you get thru this sludge of a day. I hope you have all the hugs you can hold... and then more so. Sending smiles

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