Homeless

I've always been a homebody. 

I not only love spending time at home, but I need recharge time at home before I can go back out into the big wide world.

Home is sacred to me.  No matter how small or cluttered or not-magazine-worthy my house is, it's still my house.

So you can see that I have a deep emotional attachment to my home.

When we first started the house-hunting process early this year, I thought there was no way my heart could handle leaving our house after nine years of doing life here.

As God has led us one baby step at a time, He has also started working on my emotions. 

When I fell in love with the new house we're buying, I started emotionally detaching from our current house.  I know it's still going to be hard to leave, but my heart is ready to be in the new house.

I was so excited for that new house that I spent every waking second thinking about it.  Floor plans.  Paint colors.  Furniture.  Appliances.  Making family meals.  My kids' bedrooms.  If you follow me on Pinterest, then you know a lot of what I've been thinking about and browsing.

We've even changed the way we talk about the houses.  We tend to call this house the old house, the current house, or even the Lincoln St. house.  In our hearts it's no longer "home."

But a problem arose in this emotional progression.  It's called The Moving Process.  While everything started off so quickly for us, it's certainly moving along in a jerky, ungraceful fashion.  It hasn't been smooth and seamless. 

It's been an emotional roller coaster.

The status of our move changes daily.  Some days it seems certain and exciting.  Other days it looks as though this domino tower is about to fall, and our plans will not come to fruition.

So, to protect myself, I've emotionally detached from the new home as well.  No sense being crazy excited about something that might not end up being mine.  Through a variety of factors--paperwork, reports, uncertainty from our buyer, and unfavorable reactions from other people--I've lost that initial joy and anticipation.

Now I'm emotionally homeless.

I need to pack up everything in this current house and complete the process of moving out, but I'm afraid we'll just be unpacking all those belonging right back to their original spots if the deal falls through.  I need to make sure my kids are getting registered at the correct school, but right now I'm not sure which one that will be.  I need restful sleep.  I need peace in my stomach.

I need a place to call home so I can recharge.

As I said, this game changes DAILY.  I will likely feel differently at the end of this day than at the beginning, be it better or worse.  I've been operating in constant prayer, begging God to override the stress that continually grips my heart, mind, and body.  He started us on this journey, and I'm holding onto His promise to complete what He started.

And then I hope He never tells us to move again.

Jessica